I wish these posts were more orderly – but they are not. If I had this blog to do over I would methodically alternate a story with a grief short – or something like that.

I wish my life were more orderly – or less orderly – or that I had more energy to figure out which – and make it better.

I seem to be in what I count to be the third stage of my traumatic loss and grief – dull continuation…

At first I was in shock. Then I spent a lot of energy and time “trying to get back to normal” – well really trying to get back to life. I went back to work full time, made a lot of social plans, tried to go out by myself – people made a lot of plans with me. I got more and more exhausted.

Now, in this stage, I take care of Kita, see my kids/family once in a while, and keep in touch with close friends by text and phone. I work, work out, do chores and sleep. I spend a lot of my non-work time alone. I am not making social plans. I am not going out. It’s dark when I get home from work. I work out, eat, work, try to sleep.

This is hauntingly similar to how George described his life when we reconnected. He was battling – battling for sobriety – battling for something better and not finding it. He was working and spending too much time alone, very depressed. This feels hauntingly familiar.